Of Not Equating Life with Bills;

We live our whole lives working towards something: a bigger house, a fatter pay check, designer clothes, latest gadgets, and things to embellish ourselves with. Though one thing remains true: at one point in our lives, we’ve worked very hard to save-up for our big adventure – the one that will change our lives.

Sadly some never come to realize that dream. In the chaos of papers, grinding down hours at work, and living in the world of comfort, the next big adventure becomes the next big material splurge. There is nothing wrong with wanting and gaining but please keep in mind that the material won’t have any bearing on your life after this. We all start from scratch after this life in terms of material things.

If reincarnation was indeed real – I would rather nourish my soul with sights and sounds and people I love rather than with clothes, gadgets, and people that only satisfy my flesh.

Most will not see it this way; to most, what I’m saying will be written off a crazy or a load of cock and bull – because we’ve been brainwashed to think that what satisfies the flesh, is what satisfies the soul. I was like this. I will admit to this…but then something happened.

I packed my bag and I went to go see the world outside of the world that I knew of.

I have always been a tourist in new places…but somehow, going on trips without these conveniences will open your eyes to things that will humble you. Do not be a tourist, but be a wanderer.

I have not been to many places as compared to the vast majority who will probably read this but the places I have been to have taught me how to appreciate the smaller things in life, that at the end of the day, it’s what matters. That life is worth more than just a piece of paper with numbers printed on it.

That life is drinking from a fresh cold spring, running your fingers through rocks, kayaking through lonely waters, sleeping on secluded beaches, talking to locals, sleeping in a Nipa hut or even on the ground, getting lost in winding roads, hiking-up a mountain, leaping off a cliff, and watching sunrises and sunsets in the middle of nowhere.

Yes, money is important and we need it to live but do yourself a favor and do not let it rule you. Our lives shouldn’t be based on what papers say we’re worth. Our lives should be based on the moments we live.

Work hard towards something for your soul. The Universe rewards that kind of bravery.

I must warn you though: the thing with adventure is that once you’re bitten by it, it stays with you forever; and the people you meet while on this adventure will laugh, cry, drink, sleep, ride, love, hate, say hello and goodbye to you – that is reality. But one thing remains, it’s the fact that wherever you are, no matter how many times you’ve been there, everything is a new adventure and your eyes and your soul will thank you for it.

So go on little dreamers, go on the adventure you’ve waited years to take.

Your soul is rooting for you.

Of Wearing Stories & Permanency.

I never thought I’d be the girl who would get tattoos, I always thought I would be the type who would keep myself as blank and as porcelain as possible because that’s what I was exposed to. Sure, as a child I’ve always drawn on myself and I’ve let others draw on me. At one point in all our childhoods, our skins served as scratch papers full of markers and pen marks.

But having something very permanent inked on you? That’s different.

I got my first tattoo at nineteen. It was a Hindu prayer which I still recite every now and then, especially when the world gets a little bit crazy and a whole lot rougher like it has been the past few years. The rest followed.

It’s true about tattoos – get one, you get them all. Thing is, I always tend to over think my tattoos. I want every tattoo on my body to symbolize something or someone; common sense would dictate it’s the sane thing to do, perhaps?

I don’t have a lot of tattoos compared to the vast majority of friends and acquaintances I’ve met over the years but I’ve learned that there will always be judgement from those that don’t understand this form of self expression. We do, after all, have the tendency as humans to judge what we do not understand.

You see, various people have various reasons for getting tattoos. Getting a tattoo isn’t about being cool, it’s not all about wanting to decorate ourselves with colors, drawings and words – but, and maybe this isn’t just me, we get tattoos to mark something beautiful in our lives.

To be a walking and living piece of art when done correctly.

Tattoos, for me, signify stories and living. It shows the documentation of your life, it’s not purely aesthetic and not purely rebellion. They are happy scars – permanent marks of how you have lived up until the next milestone.

So as I sit here, preparing myself for the next chapter of my life, I look at my arms and I quietly say goodbye to the blank spaces on it and say cheers to the remainder of 2013.

We have survived the apocalypse. 
Now for fuck’s sake – just go do what it is that makes you happy.

May your scars show you a life you’re proud to document.

Of Moon Mothers, Hands, and Promises.

Growing up child is just a matter of time
Forgiven all you’ve got, so won’t you dance under the sun?
Growing old feels like you’re giving up your soul –
And I’d rather give it freely to the ones that I call home

– Growing Up, Run River North

Dearest Ava,

I remember the first time your Mama told me she was pregnant with you. She was very scared and very confused. I was very speechless and very helpless. I guess when faced with a life changing event, we are all left feeling the extremes of everything.

You were a shock to the system, and this was just me, so I often wondered how your Mama must have felt. Over the course of your early life inside her, there would be a series of panicked and serious conversations, hopeless and desperate tears, and the sinking realization that lives were about to change and we weren’t children anymore.

As months flew by, and as we watched your Mama’s progress with every photo update she had sent us – I began feeling excited. Everything suddenly became a series of conversations filled with anticipation, happy tears, and the realization that your Mama will have a beautiful partner in crime just a few months away. We were all very excited to meet you Ava, you were very loved even before you opened your eyes.

I will admit that I never really understood children and there is a part of me that doesn’t think I can handle the responsibility of having one, so when your Mama told me I would be your Moon Mother – I took a deep breath, and tried to  think of the things I could teach you.

I am admittedly not the best role model in the world, but I know enough to know what to say when you want to try something or too afraid to tell your Mama about something you did. I don’t know a lot Ava, but I know I made a promise to take care of you during the good, the bad, and most definitely the worst.

I was so scared to hold you because I didn’t know how to. You seemed so small, so fragile – I felt like I was going to break you. I felt like I was too clumsy to even think about holding you…but when you held onto my finger, something told me I could. You held onto my finger as if you were telling me not to panic; at such a young age Ava, you’ve already taught me something and pushed me further into new territory.

A lot of people will teach you how to walk, run, swim, draw, paint, laugh, cry, and so much more; but I promise to be there, holding your hand through the adventures you let me be a part of.

I knew, in that moment, your Moon Mother had been born.

Thank you for melting my heart that day little darling. Cheers to your adventures ahead.

I love you.

Goodbye Indefinitely, Advertising.

I packed a small box which contained my Star Wars figurines, a few pens, a small overly inked calendar, a burned DVD containing all the songs I had leeched from officemates, and a notebook containing doodles and notes from meetings that have come and gone. This was my Advertising career, summarized in one small box.

I looked around the place I called familiar for the last year and a half. To the people that were there, this day was no different from the last to the next couple of days – this is work. Though to me, that night, that was the signal of the end of me being something that was so clear cut. That was the night I stopped following the path that was supposedly mine ever since University.

I looked at the busy faces, heard the hurried steps, felt the urgent typing, and I drank it all in for one last time. I will miss this, I will miss them.

For the duration of my short career, I have always been grateful to have had mentors who taught me how to not only be an Account Executive, but taught me the value of organization, patience, enjoying the little things (like taking a break and eating a piece of chocolate), understanding, and breathing the bad juju away – traits I admittedly lacked coming into the world of Advertising.

I have grown a lot in this world, despite the time I punched in – it was something I enjoyed doing but I also knew that there was something I needed and wanted to do. I needed to walk the Earth and choose the road that was scary and unsure while I still had the chance – where it wasn’t so scary to get scars from leaping into the unknown.

I needed to grow in a new world and find what it means to live outside of a cubicle, answering e-mails, phone calls, and text messages all day. I sat in my chair for one last time, as if trying to convince myself that this is where I belonged and if I had done the right thing, but I knew my feet wanted to go and explore unfamiliar territory. That it was in that moment where everything was so clear and scary at the same time.

I knew that the moment I walked out of those doors, I was walking into a life that didn’t have a steady paycheck, stability, or even health care. But I was excited for the uncertainty because I was exploring and living this life for me now. That for the first time, in a long time, I was fully accountable for keeping myself alive.

As I sat up, I felt like I was leaving a part of me in that chair, in that office. But I was sure that I was leaving a piece of me in every person I loved in those four walls. I felt like crying but the tears wouldn’t come because I knew, even though I wouldn’t see them as often as I wanted, I’d still see them again because the Universe has a very funny way of colliding people to each other, especially when they mean a lot to you.

I hugged all of them. They were selfishly mine for a few seconds before we let go and wished each other the best of luck.

To my mentors and friends, thank you. I miss you all every day, but you are all in my thoughts and you all somehow manifest in how I do work and I will always be grateful for that.

I have been walking this new path for a little over a month now, and it still remains to be scary and unpredictable – yet very refreshing and I have learned a lot about myself and the way life works in just this small amount of time. The road has been hard, and it will get harder, I know this – but I take this route with a bag full of optimism and love.

Sometimes, in order to understand the rain – we must go out willingly without an umbrella; open our hands to the sky and close our eyes. We must experience the world we live in for ourselves, but we must have the courage to accept the consequences of our decisions.

So with this, I bid farewell, indefinitely, to the world of Advertising.

Thank you for all the opportunities and the people I’ve had the privilege of colliding with. Especially the people.